Books of Chronicles

Light iron-age reading
The Bible

Gabbin' with God

* Old / New Testament
* Apocrypha
* Annotated Bible

Analysis

* Septuagint
* Torah
* Slavery in the Bible

Woo

* Snake handling
* Solfeggio frequencies
* Ken Ham

Figures

* Paul of Tarsus
* Goliath
* Tamar

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For the magazine for erudite racists, see Chronicles (magazine)

Chronicles are two books of the Bible in which, after a huge shout-out to the author's dead homies, some stuff happens to some people (presumably Jewish people, because this is the Old Testament), but also whomever the Jews were hating on at the time. They get into a war with them, then some of them die, and then some of them beget some others. And in the end all hell has broken loose because someone else won. The Greek translators of the Septuagint, who couldn't take the full tedium of the single-volume Jewish version, divided it into 1 Chronicles and 2 Chronicles.[1]

Rather disproving any divine authorship, the Old Testament is  hellishly repetitive, and Chronicles begins by rehashing the entire Bible-story-so-far all the way back to Adam. Hence it is widely suspected that it was written (anywhere from the 5th to 2nd century BCE[2]) by someone who sat down with the earlier parts of the Bible and rewrote them all; some experts think the author might have had other sources, others say no, he really did just copy it all out.[1][note 1] He did however make some changes as he was rewriting it: 2 Chronicles is basically the Books of Kings with all references to the northern kingdom of Israel removed, amongst other modifications.[3] Chronicles ends its chronicle with the events of around 540 BCE when Cyrus the Great ended the Israelites' exile in Babylon; this is also the endpoint of the Jewish Tanakh.[1] And after that all was roses for the Jews.

God gets a cameo kicking King David's ass for ordering a census, because accurate enumeration of citizens is an abomination unto the LORD. Seriously, he nearly destroys Jerusalem. Apparently God forgot that back in 2 Samuel he was the one who told David to do it:[note 2]

“”And again the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah

—2 Samuel 24:1

So Chronicles represents God's attempt to cover up this rash error. Now the story is:

“”And Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel.

—1 Chronicles 21:1

Yeah, that's the ticket.

## See also[edit]

* RationalWiki:Annotated Bible/1 Chronicles
* RationalWiki:Annotated Bible/2 Chronicles

## Notes[edit]

1. ↑ Perhaps he got paid by the word.
2. ↑ Alzheimer of the gods

## References[edit]

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 See the Wikipedia article on Books of Chronicles.
2. ↑ 1 and 2 Chronicles, Oxford Bibliographies
3. ↑ See the Wikipedia article on Books of Kings.

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Articles about the Bible

Old Testament: |

Goliath • Tamar • Tower of Babel • Abel • Joseph (Old Testament) • Firmament • Baal • Noah • Isaac • Ishmael • Amalekites • Curse of Ham • Jacob • Sodom and Gomorrah • Ezekiel's wheel • Lot • Nephilim • G'Tach • Joseph was Imhotep • Moses • Global flood • Cain • Gibeah • Abraham • Old Testament • Incubus and succubus myths • King David • Serpent seed doctrine • Leviathan • Messiah • Mark of Cain • Asherah • Nimrod • Sirach • Jezebel • Adam and Eve • Moloch • Book of Joel • Garden of Eden • Satan • List of actions prohibited by the Bible •

| Torah: |

Torah • Book of Exodus • Book of Genesis • Book of Leviticus • Book of Numbers • Book of Zechariah • Book of Deuteronomy •

| Old Testament History: |

Book of Esther • Book of Ezra • Book of Judges • Book of Ruth • Books of Kings • Books of Samuel • Book of Joshua •

| Old Testament Wisdom: |

Ecclesiastes • Song of Solomon • Book of Job • Book of Proverbs • Book of Psalms •

| Major and Minor Prophets: |

Book of Daniel • Book of Ezekiel • Book of Isaiah • Book of Lamentations • Book of Jeremiah •

New Testament: |

Mary Magdalene • New Testament • Mary (mother of Jesus) • Joseph of Arimathea • Paul of Tarsus • Good Samaritan • Authorship of the New Testament • Magi • John the Baptist • Principalities and powers • Joseph (husband of Mary) • Nag Hammadi library • Messiah • Jesus • Gospel of Barnabas • Peter the Apostle • Pontius Pilate • Judas Iscariot • Book of Revelation •

| Gospels and Acts: |

Acts of the Apostles • Gospels • Q gospel • Gospel of John • Gospel of Mark • Gospel of Luke • Gospel of Matthew •

| Pauline Epistles: |

Corinthians • Galatians • Ephesians • Colossians • Epistle to the Philippians • Epistle to Philemon • Epistle to the Romans • Epistle to Titus • First Epistle to the Thessalonians • Second Epistle to the Thessalonians • Second Epistle to Timothy • First Epistle to Timothy •

| General Epistles: |

Epistle of Jude • Epistle of James • Epistle to the Hebrews • First Epistle of John • First Epistle of Peter • Second Epistle of John • Second Epistle of Peter • Third Epistle of John •

Bible analysis: |

Apocalyptic literature • Authorship of the New Testament • Bible interpolation • Biblical sexism • Bibliolatry • Documentary hypothesis • Evidence for the Exodus • Gospels • Horizontal reading • King James Only • Pesher • Q gospel • Septuagint • Skeptic's Annotated Bible • Ten Commandments • Torah • Bible translation • Word of God • Biblical literalism • Biblical contradictions • List of mistakes made by God • Abomination • Firmament • G'Tach • Arsenokoites • Genealogy of Jesus • Nag Hammadi library • Noah's Ark • Annotated Bible • Slavery in the Bible • Examples of God personally killing people • Herod • The Brick Testament • Evidence against a recent creation • EvilBible.com • List of actions prohibited by the Bible • Biblical scientific errors •

| Bible translations: |

Cockney Bible • Douay-Rheims • Jefferson Bible • King James Only • Septuagint • Vetus Latina • Bible translation • Annotated Bible •

| Apocrypha: |

Didache • Apocrypha • Nag Hammadi library • Book of Judith • 2 Maccabees • 3 Maccabees • 4 Maccabees • Books of Enoch • Books of the Maccabees • Gospel of Judas • Gospel of Mary • Gospel of Philip • Gospel of Thomas • Infancy Gospel of James • Infancy Gospel of Thomas • 1 Maccabees •

Biblical figures: |

Abel • Cain • Ishmael • Jacob • Joseph of Arimathea • Joseph (Old Testament) • Mary (mother of Jesus) • Noah • Paul of Tarsus • Mary Magdalene • Lot • Goliath • Nephilim • Moses • YHWH • Amalekites • Baal • King David • Joseph (husband of Mary) • God • Jesus • Asherah • Nimrod • Habakkuk • Adam and Eve • Herod • Pontius Pilate • Jezebel • Tamar • Judas Iscariot • Satan •

Bible woo: |

Jesus diet • Name it and claim it • Snake handling • Speaking in tongues • Spiritual warfare • The Bible Code • Gematria • Stigmata • Biblical longevity • Hanzi of Genesis • Dr. Bronner's Soap • Presidential Prayer Team • Trinity Broadcasting Network • Zecharia Sitchin • James Ussher • Creation Week • Zion Oil and Gas • The Drama of the Lost Disciples • Roman Piso • Jose Luis de Jesús • Prayer • Black Hebrew Israelites • Jonathan Otto • Benny Hinn • Presents Of God Ministry • Solfeggio frequencies • Ken Ham • Harold Camping • Institute for Creation Research • Steve Quayle • Kabbalah Center • Acharya S • Christian Identity • Peter J. Peters • Ezekiel's wheel • Creation Research • Biblical scientific foreknowledge • British Israelism •

| Scientific foreknowledge: |

Gaps between Science and the Bible • Scientific Facts in the Bible: 100 Reasons to Believe the Bible is Supernatural in Origin • Science Confirms the Bible • Eternal Productions: 101 Scientific Facts and Foreknowledge • Modern Science in the Bible • Biblical scientific foreknowledge •