Mind games

Short description: Intellectual competition

Mind games (also power games or head games) are actions performed for reasons of psychological one-upmanship, often employing passive–aggressive behavior to specifically demoralize or dis-empower the thinking subject, making the aggressor look superior.[1] It also describes the unconscious games played by people engaged in ulterior transactions of which they are not fully aware, and which transactional analysis considers to form a central element of social life all over the world.[2]

The first known use of the term "mind game" dates from 1963,[3] and "head game" from 1977.[4]

## Contents

* 1 Conscious one-upmanship
* 2 Unconscious games
* 3 See also
* 4 References
* 4.1 Sources
* 5 External links

## Conscious one-upmanship

In intimate relationships, mind games can be used to undermine one partner's belief in the validity of their own perceptions.[5] Personal experience may be denied and driven from memory,[6] and such abusive mind games may extend to the denial of the victim's reality, social undermining, and downplaying the importance of the other partner's concerns or perceptions.[7] Both sexes have equal opportunities for such verbal coercion[8] which may be carried out unconsciously as a result of the need to maintain one's own self-deception.[9]

Mind games in the struggle for prestige[10] appear in everyday life in the fields of office politics, sport, and relationships. Office mind games are often hard to identify clearly, as strong management blurs with over-direction, and healthy rivalry with manipulative head games and sabotage.[11] The wary salesman will be consciously and unconsciously prepared to meet a variety of challenging mind games and put-downs in the course of their work.[12] The serious sportsman will also be prepared to meet a variety of gambits and head-games from their rivals, attempting to tread the fine line between competitive psychology and paranoia.[13]

## Unconscious games

Eric Berne described a psychological game as an organized series of ulterior transactions taking place on twin levels: social and psychological, and resulting in a dramatic outcome when the two levels finally came to coincide.[14] He described the opening of a typical game like flirtation as follows: "Cowboy: 'Come and see the barn'. Visitor: 'I've loved barns ever since I was a little girl'".[15] At the social level a conversation about barns, at the psychological level one about sex play, the outcome of the game – which may be comic or tragic, heavy or light – will become apparent when a switch takes place and the ulterior motives of each become clear.

Between thirty and forty such games (as well as variations of each) were described and tabulated in Berne's best seller on the subject titled "Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships".[16] According to one transactional analyst, "Games are so predominant and deep-rooted in society that they tend to become institutionalized, that is, played according to rules that everybody knows about and more or less agrees to. The game of Alcoholic, a five-handed game, illustrates this...so popular that social institutions have developed to bring the various players together"[17] such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-anon.

Psychological games vary widely in degrees of consequence, ranging from first-degree games where losing involves embarrassment or frustration, to third-degree games where consequences are life-threatening.[18] Berne recognized however that "since by definition games are based on ulterior transactions, they must all have some element of exploitation",[19] and the therapeutic ideal he offered was to stop playing games altogether.[20]

## See also

## References

1. ↑ Gita Mammen, After Abuse (2006) p. 29
2. ↑ Berne (1966), p. 45.
3. ↑ "Mind game". Merriam-Webster. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mind+game.
4. ↑ "Head game". Merriam-Webster. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/head+game.
5. ↑ Kathleen J, Ferraro, Neither Angels nor Demons (2006) p. 82
6. ↑ R. D. Laing, The Politics of Experience and The Bird of Paradise (Penguin 1984) p. 31
7. ↑ Laurie Maguire, Where there's a Will there's a Way (London 2007) p. 76
8. ↑ Kate Fillion, Lip Service (London 1997) p. 244
9. ↑ R. D. Laing, Self and Others (Penguin 1969) p. 143
10. ↑ Jacques Lacan, Ecrits: A Selection (London 1997) p. 68
11. ↑ A-M Quigg, Bullying in the Arts (2011) p. 201
12. ↑ David P. Snyder, How to Mind-Read your Customers (2001) p. 59
13. ↑ A. P. Sands, The Psychology of Gamesmanship (2010) p. 2
14. ↑ John McCleod, An Introduction to Counselling (2009) p. 255–6
15. ↑ Berne (1966), p. 32.
16. ↑ Berne (1966), pp. 64-147.
17. ↑ John Dusay (1976). "Transactional Analysis". in Eric Berne. A Layman's Guide to Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis. Penguin. pp. 309–310.
18. ↑ Eric Berne. "Rapo". Games People Play. http://www.ericberne.com/games-people-play/rapo/.
19. ↑ Berne (1966), p. 143.
20. ↑ Berne (1970), p. 223.

### Sources

* Berne, Eric (1966). Games people play: the psychology of human relationships. Grove Press, Inc. OCLC 1244058516. https://worldcat.org/oclc/1244058516.
* Berne, Eric (1970). Sex in Human Loving. OCLC 107547. http://worldcat.org/oclc/107547.
* R.D. Laing, Self and Others (Penguin 1969)

## External links

* Sarah Strudwick (Nov 16, 2010) Dark Souls – Mind Games, Manipulation and Gaslighting

* v
* t
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Psychological manipulation

Rewarding: pleasant
(positive reinforcement)

* Attention
* Bribery
* Child grooming
* Flattery
* Gifts
* Ingratiation
* Love bombing
* Nudging
* Praise
* Seduction
* Smiling
* Superficial charm
* Superficial sympathy

Aversive: unpleasant
(positive punishment)

* Anger
* Character assassination
* Crying
* Emotional blackmail
* Fearmongering
* Frowning
* Glaring
* Guilt trip
* Inattention
* Intimidation
* Nagging
* Nit-picking criticism
* Passive aggression
* Relational aggression
* Sadism
* Shaming
* Silent treatment
* Social rejection
* Swearing
* Threats
* Victim blaming
* Victim playing
* Yelling

Intermittent or partial
negative reinforcement|

* Climate of fear
* Traumatic bonding

Other techniques|

* Bait-and-switch
* Deception
* Denial
* Deplatforming
* Deprogramming
* Disinformation
* Distortion
* Diversion
* Divide and rule
* Double bind
* Entrapment
* Evasion
* Exaggeration
* Gaslighting
* Good cop/bad cop
* Indoctrination
* Low-balling
* Lying
* Minimisation
* Moving the goalposts
* Pride-and-ego down
* Rationalization
* Reid technique
* Setting up to fail
* Trojan horse
* You're either with us, or against us

Contexts|

* Abuse
* Abusive power and control
* Advertising
* Bullying
* Catholic guilt
* Confidence trick
* Guilt culture
* Interrogation
* Jewish guilt
* Jewish mother stereotype
* Moral panic
* Media manipulation
* Mind control
* Mind games
* Mobbing
* Propaganda
* Salesmanship
* Scapegoating
* Shame culture
* Smear campaign
* Social engineering (blagging)
* Spin
* Suggestibility
* Whispering campaign

Related topics|

* Antisocial personality disorder
* Assertiveness
* Blame
* Borderline personality disorder
* Carrot and stick
* Dumbing down
* Enabling
* Fallacy
* Femme fatale
* Gaming the system
* Gullibility
* Histrionic personality disorder
* Impression management
* Machiavellianism
* Narcissism
* Narcissistic personality disorder
* Personal boundaries
* Persuasion
* Popularity
* Projection
* Psychopathy
* Guilt-Shame-Fear spectrum of cultures

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