The Lion Has Phones

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3rd episode of the 3rd series of Dad's Army

"The Lion Has Phones"

Dad's Army episode
Episode no.| Series 3
Episode 3
Directed by| Harold Snoad
Story by| Jimmy Perry and David Croft
Produced by| David Croft
Original air date| 25 September 1969 (1969-09-25)
Running time| 30 minutes
Episode chronology
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"Battle School"  | Next →
"The Bullet is Not for Firing"

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List of episodes

"The Lion Has 'Phones" is the third episode of the third series of the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on 25 September 1969.

## Synopsis[edit]

Captain Mainwaring teaches the platoon how to use a public telephone box for emergency communication.

## Plot[edit]

After a successful exercise in camouflage, Mainwaring delivers a lecture on communications. Apparently, the four main targets are the gasometer, the railway bridge, the telephone exchange and the reservoir. They are vital to the town's survival, so two men will be posted at each location. If they see anything suspicious, they will phone Mainwaring via the nearest telephone box. Frazer asks Mainwaring what will happen if the telephone boxes are out of action, and many alternatives are suggested, including a heliograph, tick-tacking, shooting a hole in the top of the gasometer and setting fire to it, and tapping the railway line and laying your ear onto it (Pike dismisses this idea by telling Jones that a train may come and run over your ear).

Pike and Godfrey admit they do not know how to use a telephone box; Mrs Pike believes they are unhygienic and Godfrey is hopeless with machines. After a hilarious practical demonstration, they march down to the telephone box nearest the reservoir. Pike is the first to get the lesson, with Mainwaring telling him to phone the church hall, expecting it to be empty, but Mrs Pike (who just happened to be there with her son's scarf) answers and gives both Mainwaring and Wilson an earful. When a queue begins to form, Walker cons them into believing that telephone calls are going on ration from tomorrow.

That evening, while out on patrol, Frazer and Walker spot a German plane crash into the reservoir. Walker phones Mainwaring, then mysteriously vanishes. Mainwaring and the rest of the platoon arrive, and their verbal attempts to persuade the Germans to surrender result in heavy gunfire. Mainwaring writes GHQ's phone number on some paper and tells Jones to go and phone them and to memorise and destroy the paper afterwards, but Jones' muddle headedness as he says "Memorise and destroy the phone", and him reading the phone number upside-down (991 instead of 166), results in him ringing the Embassy cinema instead, and ends up believing that Googie Withers and Eric Portman are aboard the plane. He gets no joy from emergency services either, so ARP Warden Hodges helps Jones get through.

Eventually, Lieutenant Hope-Bruce of the Coldstream Guards arrives and tells Mainwaring that they've surrounded the reservoir. He pompously tries to get Mainwaring to leave the situation in the hands of the regular army, but is quick to cancel an incautious order for mortar bombs under Mainwaring's persuasion. Walker returns and tells Mainwaring that he's talked to the man in charge of the reservoir: he has opened the sluices, and the Germans will have to swim for it in less than two hours. Laughing, Mainwaring says they should leave the mopping up to the Coldstream Guards.

## Cast[edit]

* Arthur Lowe as Captain Mainwaring
* John Le Mesurier as Sergeant Wilson
* Clive Dunn as Lance Corporal Jones
* John Laurie as Private Frazer
* James Beck as Private Walker
* Arnold Ridley as Private Godfrey
* Ian Lavender as Private Pike
* Janet Davies as Mrs Pike
* Bill Pertwee as ARP Warden Hodges
* Avril Angers as the Telephone Operator
* Timothy Carlton as Lieutenant Hope-Bruce
* Stanley McGeagh as Sergeant Waller
* Pamela Cundell, Olive Mercer and Bernadette Milnes as the Ladies in the Queue
* Gilda Perry as Doreen
* Linda James as Betty
* Richard Jacques as Mr Cheesewright
* Colin Daniel and Carson Green as Boys

## Notes[edit]

1. The working title for this episode was 'Sorry, Wrong Number', which was the title used for the later radio episode.
2. The episode title is a reference to the 1939 propaganda film The Lion Has Wings.
3. When Jones accidentally rings up the cinema, they mistakenly believe he is enquiring about the 1942 film One of Our Aircraft Is Missing starring, as they tell him, Googie Withers. A poster for this film can be seen on the wall of the box office.
4. In this episode, Sgt Wilson says "I have never heard you swear before, sir", while Captain Mainwaring says "bloody cheek". This is untrue, as Wilson has heard Mainwaring say "the rotten bastard" in The Showing Up of Corporal Jones, an episode from Series 1.
5. When the ladies join the queue for the telephone box, Pamela Cundell's character is referred to as Mrs Fox, the character she played two episodes previously, yet she is still credited as 'Lady in Queue'.
6. In 2020, for the Dad's Army Appreciation Society, Niles Schilder wrote four scripts about how the platoon would have dealt with the events of 2020. In one of the scripts, An Unauthorised Gathering, the platoon learn how to wash their hands in a similar way to how they learnt to use a public telephone box in this episode.[1]

## References[edit]

1. ^ Schilder, Niles. "fanfiction". www.dadsarmy.co.uk. Retrieved 23 February 2021.

## Further reading[edit]

* Croft, David; Perry, Jimmy; Webber, Richard (2000). The Complete A-Z of Dad's Army. Orion. ISBN 0-7528-4637-X.

## External links[edit]

* "The Lion Has Phones" at BBC Online
* "The Lion Has Phones" at IMDb

* v
* t
* e

Dad's Army

Characters|

* Captain Mainwaring
* Sergeant Wilson
* Lance Corporal Jones
* Private Frazer
* Private Godfrey
* Private Walker
* Private Pike

Episodes|

* Episode list
* Missing episodes
* Radio episodes
* "Present Arms"

Adaptations & spinoffs|

* 1971 film
* 2016 film
* Stage show
* The Rear Guard
* It Sticks Out Half a Mile
* High & Dry

Merchandise|

* Audio releases
* Books and memorabilia

Other articles|

* Blitz and Pieces
* Dad's Army Appreciation Society
* Dad's Army Museum
* Jones's van
* Walmington-on-Sea
* Bressingham Steam and Gardens

Episodes

Series 1|

* "The Man and the Hour"
* "Museum Piece"
* "Command Decision"
* "The Enemy Within the Gates"
* "The Showing Up of Corporal Jones"
* "Shooting Pains"

Series 2|

* "Operation Kilt"
* "The Battle of Godfrey's Cottage"
* "The Loneliness of the Long Distance Walker"†‡
* "Sgt. Wilson's Little Secret"
* "A Stripe for Frazer"†‡
* "Under Fire"†‡

Series 3|

* "The Armoured Might of Lance Corporal Jones"
* "Battle School"
* "The Lion Has 'Phones"
* "The Bullet Is Not for Firing"
* "Something Nasty in the Vault"
* "Room at the Bottom"
* "Big Guns"
* "The Day the Balloon Went Up"
* "War Dance"
* "Menace from the Deep"
* "Branded"
* "Man Hunt"
* "No Spring for Frazer"
* "Sons of the Sea"

Series 4|

* "The Big Parade"
* "Don't Forget the Diver"
* "Boots, Boots, Boots"
* "Sgt – Save My Boy!"
* "Don't Fence Me In"
* "Absent Friends"
* "Put That Light Out!"
* "The Two and a Half Feathers"
* "Mum's Army"
* "The Test"
* "A. Wilson (Manager)?"
* "Uninvited Guests"
* "Fallen Idol"

Series 5|

* "Asleep in the Deep"
* "Keep Young and Beautiful"
* "A Soldier's Farewell"
* "Getting the Bird"
* "The Desperate Drive of Corporal Jones"
* "If the Cap Fits..."
* "The King Was in His Counting House"
* "All is Safely Gathered In"
* "When Did You Last See Your Money?"
* "Brain Versus Brawn"
* "A Brush with the Law"
* "Round and Round Went the Great Big Wheel"
* "Time on My Hands"

Series 6|

* "The Deadly Attachment"
* "My British Buddy"
* "The Royal Train"
* "We Know Our Onions"
* "The Honourable Man"
* "Things that Go Bump in the Night"
* "The Recruit"

Series 7|

* "Everybody's Trucking"
* "A Man of Action"
* "Gorilla Warfare"
* "The Godiva Affair"
* "The Captain's Car"
* "Turkey Dinner"

Series 8|

* "Ring Dem Bells"
* "When You've Got to Go"
* "Is There Honey Still for Tea?"
* "Come In, Your Time Is Up"
* "High Finance"
* "The Face on the Poster"

Series 9|

* "Wake Up Walmington"
* "The Making of Private Pike"
* "Knights of Madness"
* "The Miser's Hoard"
* "Number Engaged"
* "Never Too Old"

000!!Specials|

* "Santa on Patrol"†
* "Resisting the Aggressor Down the Ages"
* "Cornish Floral Dance"†
* "Battle of the Giants!"
* "Broadcast to the Empire"
* "My Brother and I"
* "The Love of Three Oranges"

† Missing episode has been reconstructed using animation. ‡ Missing episode has been recreated with new cast
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