Haircut (short story)

From Conservapedia - Reading time: 3 min

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Haircut is a short story written by Ring Lardner.

Plot[edit]

Set in a barber shop in a rural Michigan town, Whitey (the town barber, who narrates the entire story in first-person monologue) tells an unnamed customer (who he senses is an outsider) a story about Jim Kendall, a local resident who was recently killed.

Throughout the story, Whitey portrays Jim in a sympathetic light as a prankster, notwithstanding that many of his pranks were cruel (one of Jim's favorite targets was Paul Dickson, a mentally-challenged man who he would prank unmercifully) and that he was also a deadbeat husband/father (who spent what little he made on alcohol) and a womanizer who spent most of his time at the local pool hall with a group of rough characters who enjoyed his jokes.

Jim had an infatuation with Julie Gregg, who showed no interest in return; she was infatuated with "Doc" Stair (a young physician who also served as the local coroner) who was not similarly interested. After repeatedly being turned down by Julie, he unsuccessfully attempted to sexually assault her; in revenge for her calling the police (who let Jim off with only a warning) he pranked her by claiming to be Doc Stair inviting her to his office (presumably for a romantic interlude) then was chased home by Jim and his gang.

Jim went around town bragging of his latest prank, telling everyone (except Doc Stair, who he figured would be angry); however, Paul told Doc what happened and Doc promised to make Jim suffer. Notably, Doc tells Paul that someone who would pull such a prank "ought not to be let live".

Two days later, while at the barbershop, Jim wanted to go duck hunting but his usual hunting partner was out of town. Paul was there and asked if he could come along hunting with him (despite previously stating that he would never have anything to do with Jim, and having never used a firearm much less hunted before); Jim agreed (Whitey believed that Jim agreed in order to prank him again, like pushing him into the water from his boat).

The next day, Doc gets word that Jim had been shot and killed, and goes to the scene; Paul claimed that it was an accident due to his nervousness of not having hunted or having held a firearm before. Without conducting an autopsy or convening a coroner's jury, and solely on the basis of Paul's testimony, Doc immediately declared the death to be accidental, ending any chance of a later inquiry.

Whitey ends the story by saying that, although it "probably served Jim right, what he got", he still missed him, and blamed his death on his decision to let Paul handle his gun, having no experience with firearms. Seemingly oblivious to how bad Jim really was, Whitey nonchalantly asks the customer: "Comb it wet or dry?" at which point the story ends.

Main Characters[edit]

• "Whitey" (real name: Dick)--the town barber and story narrator
• An unnamed customer to whom Whitey tells the story, portrayed as an outsider
• Jim Kendall—the main character. Portrayed in a sympathetic light by Whitey as simply a prankster who was a bit rough, Jim was in fact cruel, a deadbeat (having a wife and two children that he never supported), a drunkard (spending most of what little he made at a local pool hall), and a womanizer (going so far as to attempt sexual assault on a woman who refused him).
• Ralph "Doc" Stair—a young local physician (who moved to town after a romance gone bad); he later becomes the town coroner. He hears of Jim's attempted assault and later prank on Julie and promises revenge. Upon being summoned after Jim's death, solely on the basis of Paul's testimony, Doc immediately declares the death to be accidental without an autopsy or coroner's jury to investigate.
• Julie Gregg—a 30-something woman with whom Jim is infatuated but who does not show interest in return; she is interested in Doc Stair but he is not interested. Julie has traveled to the big city and would like to leave the town; however, her mother (widowed and destitute, due to her late husband's alcoholism) refuses to leave.
• Paul Dickson—a mentally-challenged man (the result of a childhood accident) who is often the victim of Jim's pranks. He is friends with Julie Gregg and Doc Stair. At the end, he kills Jim in what he claims was a hunting accident.

External links[edit]

• Haircut