Ghosting (relationships)

Ghosting is a colloquial term which describes the practice of ending all communication and contact with a partner, friend, or similar individual without any apparent warning or justification and subsequently ignoring any attempts to reach out or communication made by said person.^[1][2] The term originated in the early 2000s. In the following decade, media reported a rise in ghosting, which has been attributed to the increasing use of social media and online dating apps.

Origin of term

The term is used in the context of online exchanges,^[3] and became popular by 2015 through many articles on high-profile celebrity relationship dissolutions,^[4][5] and went on to be widely used. It has been the subject of many articles^[6] and discussions^[7] on dating and relationships in various media. It was included in the Collins English Dictionary in 2015.^[8]

In popular culture

Ghosting appears to be becoming more common.^[9][10] Various explanations have been suggested, but social media is often blamed,^[11] as are dating apps, polarizing politics and the relative anonymity and isolation in modern-day dating and hookup culture, which make it easier to sever contact with few social repercussions.^[12] In addition, the more commonplace the behaviour becomes, the more individuals can become desensitised to it.^[13] Others have suggested that it is due to the decline of empathy in society, along with the promotion of a more selfish, narcissistic culture.^[14]

Ghosting is not limited to only intimate relationship contexts. It can also happen between friends or even family members,^[15] and be practiced by employers with prospective candidates.

In personal relationships

Ghosting may be especially hurtful to those on the receiving end, causing feelings of ostracism and rejection. Some mental health professionals consider ghosting to be a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse, a type of silent treatment or stonewalling behaviour, and emotional cruelty.^[13]

In his article, "In Defense of Ghosting", Alexander Abad-Santos states: "the thing that undermines these diatribes against ghosting is that...[we] know what happened with their ghost. It just didn't work out and sometimes we just can't accept it."^[16] He continues: "[a]t the heart of it, ghosting is as clear as any other form of rejection. The reason we complain about it is because we wanted a different outcome ... which is totally understandable."^[16]

However, this argument does not account for the inherent ambiguity in ghosting—the person being ghosted does not know whether they are being rejected for something they or somebody else did, whether the person doing it is ashamed or does not know how to break up (or is scared of hurting the other's feelings). Also, the ghost may simply not want to date the victim anymore, or may have started dating someone else while keeping the ghostee as a reserve option in case a relationship does not work out with said other date, as well as they can be facing serious problems in their lives. It may become impossible to tell which it is, making it stressful and painful.^[17]

A 2018 survey determined women of different generations were much more likely to ghost than men.^[18]

Related terms and behaviors

While "ghosting" refers to "disappearing from a special someone's life mysteriously and without explanation",^[19] numerous similar behaviors have been identified, that include various degrees of continued connection with a target.^[20][21][22] For example, "Caspering" is a "friendly alternative to ghosting. Instead of ignoring someone, you're honest about how you feel, and let them down gently before disappearing from their lives."^[23] A possible response to ghosting has been suggested with "ghostbusting": forcing the "ghoster" to reply.^[24] Then there is the sentimental and positive, but also ghost-related in origin, Marleying, which is "when an ex gets in touch with you at Christmas out of nowhere". "Cloaking" is another related behavior^[25] that occurs when an online match blocks you on all apps while standing you up for a date. The term was coined by Mashable journalist Rachel Thompson after she was stood up for a date by a Hinge match and blocked on all apps.^[26]

Research

In 2014, a YouGov survey was taken to see if Americans have ever ghosted their partner to end a relationship. In a 2014 survey, 1,000 US adults were interviewed about ghosting with results yielding that just over 10% of Americans have ghosted someone to break up with them.^[27]

See also

• Cold shoulder
• Coping (psychology)
• Ghost banning
• Ghosting (employer)
• Ostracism
• Social rejection

References

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