Peter Dow

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Peter Dow is a Scottish left-wing "activist", alleged scientist, an anti-monarchy campaigner and the self-proclaimed “Republican Socialist National Standard Bearer” of Scotland.^[1] His bizarre one-man campaign against the British monarchy, the British state, British academia, and British sanity have led to him exposing his gibbering lunacy to various unsuspecting netgoers for some years now.

God save us from the Queen![edit]

Dow has an all-consuming antipathy for Queen Elizabeth II (whom he dubs the "Terrorist Killer Queen") and her family, blaming them for absolutely everything wrong with Britain, from illegal arrests to police brutality to helicopter crashes to him being expelled from not one, but two universities. Oh, and the Dunblane shooting was her direct fault too, apparently.^[2] Quite why he chooses to rail against a mostly powerless figurehead rather than, you know, the Prime Minister and Parliament (who make the actual decisions), he has never adequately explained. While there are a number of possible arguments against the concept of an unelected head of state, Dow decides not to expand on any of them, instead using the crank tactic of creating vague arguments couched in hysterical, conspiratorial language, so as to scare you into believing that mean old Lizzie and her shadowy apparatchiks are plotting to steal your hard-won freedoms even as you read this article. Indeed, he has actually gone so far as to advocate assassinating the Queen, suggesting that the IRA should do it on the Queen's 2011 visit to the Republic of Ireland, and calling for the impeachment of then Irish President Mary McAleese for having the gall not to hate her as much as he does.^[3]

Dow disseminates his views via his extremely poorly designed site and forums, several YouTube channels,^[4][5][6] and by spamming any forum he can find on the Internet that is even vaguely related to politics, as well as some that aren't. Reading his site, you could be forgiven for thinking that the film Braveheart was a documentary.

While he may be ordinary old Peter Dow by day, by night he is the Scottish Republican Socialist National Standard Bearer, a role he fulfills by dressing up in a Territorial Army uniform adorned with Scottish emblems and harassing passers-by.^[7]

As a student[edit]

Dow originally received a bachelor’s degree in computer science from Edinburgh University, before doing a Master's in medical physics at Aberdeen University, during which he submitted a dissertation that purportedly described a "life-saving" innovation in magnetic resonance imaging - which was failed for being only twenty pages long and of "extremely poor quality".^[8] Dow’s response was to claim that the university’s management was suppressing his important research (sound familiar?) and to launch a campaign of abuse against them, which included comparing the principal to Hitler and Stalin and labeling him a potential child-killer.^[9] After being expelled from the university and narrowly avoiding serving prison time, Dow has since repeatedly alleged the existence of a sinister campaign by the Royalist elitist chiefs of Aberdeen to silence him, a claim somewhat undermined by the fact that they waited a full three years before they actually bothered taking legal action against him.

Years later, he enrolled at the nearby Robert Gordon University. Showing that old habits die hard, he quickly began using disruptive tactics to rail against the ee-vil power brokers who control the university, which wound up getting him expelled again after he refused to stop. Dow naturally blames this on his outspoken and politically incorrect personality.^[10] As you might have guessed, Dow is one of those people who thinks free speech equals freedom to do whatever the hell you like. He seems to hold a huge grudge against academia in general, smearing them as henchmen of the tyrannical Royalist state and accusing them of killing students so they can move in and have sex with their girlfriends.^[11] Or something.

Other views[edit]

He is a socialist who is opposed to capitalism, and has not been employed for many years. We would give him credit for staying true to his opinions and not submitting to the capitalist grindstone, if it weren’t for him claiming benefits from the very state he claims to hate so much.^[12]

Ugh[edit]

He appears to have a creepy obsession with former United States Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.^[13][14][15] He has also been using his site to attract....female attention, shall we say. And that is all that will be said on that matter, apart from to warn against ever typing the name ‘Peter Dow’ into Google Images.

Online disappearance[edit]

Over the summer of 2014 Peter Dow’s misguided online tirades inexplicably ceased, much to the dismay of many an avid provocateur. This was due to an as yet unsubstantiated claim^[16] that police raided his Aberdeen home, seizing all computer hardware and “scientific” research data.

This action is said to be in response to commentary made on the social networking site Twitter; however, due to the sheer volume of drivel it can only be speculated as to whether this is related to something specific such as an attempt to link the Royal Family to the MH17 air disaster^[17] or simply a reaction to the offensive nature of many posts in general.

His full title, “Alistair Peter Dow” appeared on the Court Roll for Aberdeen Sheriff Court^[18] under “Criminal” hearings (ref: AB14008188) and he is believed to have been in court on the 19th of June and the 10th of July 2015 – the conclusion of which has not been publicised. A further appearance was scheduled for February 2016. On 21 February 2017, after delaying and postponing the trial through all means possible, Peter was finally sentenced to a £500 fine for requesting a "bullet be put in the head" of the Queen.^[19]

Reappearance[edit]

True to form, Dow reappeared online following the verdict. This time, his gripe wasn't with Her Majesty, but with a General Practitioner who had declared him fit for work and refused to support his claim for Employment and Support Allowance.^[20] Whilst many may have found this a reasonable position to take, Mr Dow took umbrage and posted a photograph of his doctor on his online blog, and went 'doctor shopping' for one who would support his claim. Nothing, so far, has been heard from him since. Presumably, safe from Her Majesty and her Police State, and tucked away in his council flat, he is 'working' on his valuable 'scientific research'.

As of 2018, Dow has also returned to Twitter after a nearly 4 year absence, claiming that you guessed it, the Queen was directly responsible for removing his Twitter account and if it had not been removed then Scotland would have voted for independence.^{[citation needed]}

Dow has also come to the attention of the law once again (probably as part of another Royalist plot) after sending bizarre letters to a certain SNP councillor in Aberdeen, where he sent emails of a sexual nature to the terrified young woman.^[21] Dow of course proclaims his innocence and blames the Queens courts.

References[edit]